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MISERABLE ME

Its miserable me, for right now I feel miserable. I know how to come out of it, not actually come out of it but run away from it. But i do not want to run away, rather face it and find a way out. But right now its miserable me...


Waking up in the morning,
with thousand unsaid questions
with sorrows pale and ochre
with emotions hard to feel
and there is a pain in the center.

With crippled and tormented soul
with sorrows hard to explain
with pain demanding to be felt
with millions of names in the mind
and I am not able to utter a single one.

With mind lost and wandering
with eyes full of shattered dreams
with many things left undone
with beautiful words left unsaid
and there I stand self-abandoned.

With the pain of separation
with the hope of soon revival
with hands folded in prayer
with eyes closed, wishing that wish
and there I am-MISERABLE ME!


WHEN ANGELS FLY

You are our ANGEL. Maybe you cannot see your WINGS but we can clearly see. Maybe you are not aware hoe beautiful of an angel you are, but you are. and it is a fact!
Because when angels fly, They are the stars of the sky, In your deep hearts they always lie To them your worries if you tie All miseries, you'll see them die Because when the angels fly, Up and down, soaring high With hope they often fill your eye Still depressed in the corner if you lie Find your angel, soaring high, See them flying the distant sky Catch them and convincing u shall try. Because when angels fly, I see you and then I sigh For to you I can never lie To you my sorrows I always tie, I so miss your presence, and hate saying bye .

QUICKLY FADING

Because with him I have learnt a lot, because  from him I have learnt a lot. Him?? Perhaps "the coolest faculty of my college-THE SOURAV PRUSTY". One great teacher when it comes to life and experiences. Few lines on the eve of Teacher's day to tell him that he helped me to lift up my soul, when i was crippled inside.

I was a flower quickly fading None in front but was still waving Infinite names but was still naming Finding the one, busy blaming... A blinding flash of insight, claiming Trying to claim a greater understanding! Evolution, a process of remembering. Difference b/w requiring and desiring Shifting from nothing to something. Changing direction, not abandoning! Most recent moment, new beginning. Noticed, nothing has any meaning! My reality, I myself was choosing. When my soul knew what's occurring. Experiencing and expressing divinity. Shiny new me I was acquiring. That highest thing I was achieving. In a soul language I am speaking!!!

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

Nothing lasts forever...
Memories too with time Fades, are somewhere gone Gone to places distant far Places those never existed But have a mark in the map Map that is only sought by few.
Nothing lasts forever...
Even bruises are filled and scars gone Soul tormented and then in unity Tied within the threads of tapestry United in a way yet separate Bound in harmony, yet amid-st disguise Abundance, yet scarcity, around.
Nothing lasts forever...
Nor will this day Nor will this night Nor these miseries Nor these sufferings. But these words will stand Immortal in this mortal world!!!!!

A MEMORY LONG KEPT

Memories are the immortal part of our mortal stay. And trust me, in this small journey, YOU are and always be, the most beautiful memory, just like a memory long kept…
In the most beautiful frame The picture is serene with a name To people it may look very plain They are ignorant, shouldn't be blamed But for me it’s never the same To the world I can always proclaim The glorious days with you it came Cool breeze amid-st the blazing flame Yet in that frame, there is a serene name;
"Like a memory long kept"

WHEN I SEE THE LIGHT OF THE DAY

Her room parallel to mine. Staring at her window my favorite job. Cause the room is the lighthouse and she my INSPIRATION, forever.

When I see the light of the day, 'I am not alone' Staring at your window I say. For peace and harmony I seldom pray For He knows what it is and it may.
Waiting to get blessed by the ray On that spiny ground I perfectly lay, It is not fair, my heart cries and says I miss the childish and carefree play.
Anger, hatred, why this delay? Wait till eternity? I think as I lay... But when I see the light of the day, Look up to your window and say, "Stay forever by my side, never turn away!"
For people do even if they say It is impossible for them to stay To Him I ask and will forever say, To keep you by my side lest I am astray!
You save me when I to myself betray Saving me from the negativity grey Your presence stops me from turning away!!! When I see the light of the day...



YOU WERE WATCHING ME

Having someone in life, who traces you down all the time when you are running from the world. It is the best feeling in the world when you are sitting in the most hidden corner of the world alone, being so sure that none would know. Yet amid-st that insecure zone you find your ANGEL watching over you!! Its beautiful beyond words...


And there you were watching me...
When I was Bound to lie. When I am lost In my world.
When in the corner I use to cry When I stare at you And you catch.
When with sunken eyes I use to walk When I pretend to smile That fake smile.
When I am so sure That none is watching When I know for sure None would care.
When I skillfully smile The most carefree smile. When I am running An extra mile.
There you were watching me...

WILD THINGS HAVE RESTLESS WINGS

Sometimes it takes just a quote to inspire you. Inspire you in a way that you cannot stop yourself from writing. "WILD THINGS HAVE RESTLESS WINGS, THAT TOO OFTEN NEEDS TO FLY." -MICHAEL XAVIER
Wild things have Restless wings… That too often Needs to fly... Random thoughts Are too moody That very often Light up my little eye... Bruises on my soul, Trying not to fall. Broken yet to myself I tend to lie... Within the walls Of endless doubt. In this labyrinth I guess I will die! Yet I find solace, Moments of peace. When I see the Beautiful angel fly The angel serene Who is forever there? Someone with whom A bond shall always lie...

It is not a fragrant world

No matter how much happiness is standing in front of us, if we are not ready to accept and acknowledge, our world will be the same depressed zone. A place where negativity and depression are the key emotions.When the soul is crippled, happiness which is all the time around us seems invisible...
It is not a fragrant world, When you are crippled inside... Because then, You do yet you don't You believe yet you won't With millions yet alone Destined Path, yet not shown Via reality, you're blown Sins, in the past are sown Happiness yet you moan Depression in veins has grown Proud owner of the abandoned throne To committing wrong you are prone Writing errors on the stone Always in the erroneous zone Indebted yet offering loan. Finding answers of questions unknown. Because, It is not a fragrant world, If you are crippled inside.

BLESSING IN DISGUISE!

Dedicated to the lady luck of my life!! The prettiest and the most beautiful soul! Miss SHIRIN VERMA! This one is for you!

I met a lady
dressed in blue!
Simple and serene,
Initially I had no clue...

She was there,
and I was there...
But then she smiled
Glued was my stare!

Hey! You are pretty
and beautiful your soul
Your ways I adore
Hence, this scroll!!!

A LITTLE BOY...

A little boy sitting alone
I saw him from distant far
He was almost on my own
I wondered who left him distant far?
He was crying I could make out
Wiping his tears he walked straight
In the middle of the road, I wanted to shout
Lost and weird on the way that was laid.
Hey stop! I shouted thrice
'Don't walk in the middle of the road'
I was chanting the sane advice
He ignored and walked as if releasing some load...
I ran and reached him somehow
I finally brought him to the stopping mode
I looked in his eyes and I saw pain
I could sense as his soul began to corrode
He was a little boy and I hope he is fine
He was a little boy I wish I could understand
He was a little boy and he is somewhere
He was a little boy on the distant land!

DON'T KNOW WHY...??

CONSCIOUS VS SUBCONSCIOUS!! It is like you are not sure whether you are alone or you have a companion... when you are not in spirit!

Don't know why I feel,
as if I am missing something,
Don't know why my heart aches
every time you cross my mind.
Don't know why I feel empty,
empty and hollow,
don't why I feel this way
feel as if I am lost somewhere
somewhere in this lonely crowd
Crowd of people..
People,, I think I know!
Lost in them, lost with them
Yet find myself alone...
I had a companion throughout
I think or I have?
I have or I had?
still confused...
Don't know what I am thinking about,
But still I am lost in someone's thoughts!
Thoughts that are random,
But revolve around that only being,
the only one, I wish to forget!
Its true I live in my own world,
My world of fantasies...
Though its created by me,
yet not controlled by me...
Feel like a puppet,
dancing and prancing around,
doing things I don't wish to!
don't know why I am so obsessed?
don'…

WAITING FOR A LOVED ONE!

A desire, a wish.., to just have a glance of her! Because sometimes the presence of someone is enough to make you feel better! To make to you believe that things will be alright soon. And waiting for them to arrive is perhaps the most beautiful feeling! 

On a chilling winter morning
when God paints everything in white,
when the world around seem so small,
when distant objects are somewhere lost...
when vision becomes limited,
I stand there with a desire,
A desire to see her...
I try every possible way.
every possible mean,,,
to get a glance of her...
I rub my eyes, open them wide,
as if I would capture her in them!
I look for signs,
signs that would indicate her presence,
I wait there for long...
as long as I could!
Now I know how special it is,,,
WAITING FOR A LOVED ONE...

WISHES FOR YOU!

Some people are special beyond words... With them life is easy and the world beautiful! The most beautiful soul I have ever met on this earthly experience is HER. For 'Her' I am never short of words nor poetry nor emotions. Cherishing her presence and some hearty wishes!!!

That innocent smile one smiles

sorrows at the end of nautical mile

happiness and blessing edge the isle

on which one walks with that smile

hurt and distress an unknown pile

filled with fragile eternity is that isle...

with the smile
walk the miles
beauty of the Nile
that perfect style!

From a Rain lover...

I am the best example of a fickle minded person. Sometimes its me who runs to the terrace when God extends his hand from heaven, and its the same me who will be spotted crying near the window when its another day and its raining. But both ways I am a Rain lover! For being sad is also normal and dancing in rain is also common... gosh! I am normal, no exception. But doing both at the same time, is kinda insane! I do that too... Memories never allow us to stay in a same frame of mind for long! My fickle minded poem...

Memories are like drops of rain Infinite reminders of loss and gain To some it gives glimpse of pain Tears they shed look just the same Trying to forget the only name Forgiving the one who owns the blame Finding the answers none explained But for some, it’s a different chain The drops often fill their veins With happiness releasing the sorrows plain Shuts them off from daily mundane Saves their soul when torn in twain Awakes in them the newborn again Dancing on one leg, not insane Living …

A GOOD-NIGHT WISH!

Good-nights are bad and forever be! For wishing someone a Good-night somewhat means end of the conversation for that day... And it sounds really really bad to me, when the person on the other end is longed to be talked to!
I plucked a flower And was counting fine. Petals were eleven
But i stopped at nine!

When two were left I glued my stare. Petals on the floor Which once were there?
I plucked one more And only one was left. Seeing its bareness My heart and soul wept.
What once was a flower? Is now scattered. But it was very pretty Does that matter?
These were random Moody thoughts you see. I never pluck flowers In them I see me.
I told you goodnights Are bad and will forever be. But wishing you a wish Is a wish, and always be!

BETWEEN DEATH AND LIFE!

OK... death and life are two big words that are governing my life presently! Dolores Cannon, you really helped me answer all my questions, questions that were perhaps haunting me since ages! Here comes this poem, comprising of all that I learned through your work! Its you who taught me, Death is never painful! Something I so very wanted to hear!
Also this poem, is a combined effort. For the theme behind the poem and the opening lines are the contribution of my other half, Anushtha. A gift for you this poem is!


Sometimes I wonder what it would be like To be shot in the head to not be alive...
Would it be agonizing, harrowing n excruciating, Or would it be calm, peaceful n liberating? Would it be like hell or as easy as putting a switch on With burden in my head I sat there thinking on and on...
Maybe I shall try once to feel how it feels Or maybe I should wait for it to approach, let it be real! With patience less and curiosity more i thought Of all the people who are fighting and…

The day...

The day...
I wore your slippers
Those giants grippers
For my little feet
Time when I cared least
Prancing up and down
Dancing like a little clown
I never knew
I will be one of the few
Few among st all
Trying to not fall
I was not prepared
You suddenly disappeared
For i was ignorant
Staring like an innocent
Unable to solve
Mind could not resolve
The absence I felt
It just cud not be dealt
But I am strong now
I still wonder how.
The day...
I was sitting all alone
Happiness was somewhere sown
I was just on my own
Waiting for a path to be shown
I gathered strength
Measured scar; its length
It was of few inches
I remember the park and benches
When I held your hand
Time slips like sand
Now no us, only a me
I would choose not to be
Without you here
We will meet someday There
That is what people say
Is it true or it may
Be a human psychology
I never thought of an eulogy
But I just want u back
Without you, sanity I lack.
The day...
I decided to let you go
I walked to and fro
And then I promised n…

I MISS...

I so very want to go back to my old life. When I was my BEST COMPANION! I hate dependence and being attached. For i have understood the fact how messy I can be when I open up, for i feel no one can understand me because i never let them. I am always the one to take a step back first! 

I miss being me… When I was on my own Broken but smile was known! When none would know For I never would show I just want to go back there I and HE were where When I needed no one In my sunken eyes: bright sun. When I knew the right HE was my guiding light The introvert me I miss Being mysterious was bliss. My problems were mine Yet there was an inner shine My mind was at peace When people cared least Me being my biggest support Victorious in HIS court When I was sure of things Why, the caged bird sings!  I was happy with myself Wearing mask hiding real self It was all fabulous back then I was safe in my inner den With profound and calm darkness With awkward inner weirdness When you were just a distant star I acknowledged being far…

HEY...

I fear oblivion. But i really really wish if i could just forget you. For i go haywire when i think about you! Maybe you were once the best thing about me and you still are. I just don't know you mean what... But no matter what, even now if someone asks me, name a person...I would probably utter your name! 
 Hey, I remember you… Oh yes, I seriously do. That smile so pure To my scars, the only cure! Yes, the scars you gave While pretending to save The bond we shared As if you ever cared! I always knew you Knew what you’d do… “Be there like forever” Just in dreams, you were never! You use to tell me things  Of queens and kings Trusting you like a blind Wish could use my mind. I kept sharing my heart Fooling me, your art! Those cards I made Now, memories just fade! I cherish the moments Though the time laments… It was in your presence I discovered the essence, Essence of my beautiful soul Into deep thoughts I crawl Times when you meant world Million times I told Told myself you are not The one I always thought I …

INSIDE OF ME...

If you are an introvert, you are likely to not open up. You just keep everything inside like a closed window, which exists, exists only for the sake of existence. Not that it has importance less than any other window in the house. Probably because it was made to be the closed window .It has its beauty in being closed. For if you see, you will eventually find at least one window in the house, which is the ‘closed window’. A window, which is seldom open .A window which when open gives you an untold happiness. You just stare at its beauty, you try to look through the view it offers. A view you never imagined would be different when seen through it. Maybe of the same old building that existed like forever, maybe you have grown seeing the building but looks new when seen through it. 

It is the closed window for if opened it would open you to the view; you would probably not stand to see. Maybe it would show you things that nobody ever thought or would have ever imagined. All you will see is…

RANDOM MOODY THOUGHTS

They were here, just here And now they sit there… Sometimes seem sane But mostly are insane! From head to toe Mostly high, seldom low! Oh! They wander to and fro. Press the brakes, make them slow! But should they be blamed? For they can be tamed But blessed is my memory Nothing more temporary! Than these wandering emotions I guess I need practicing devotion! I am happy this moment In seconds changing temperament! I often forget what was going In my mind, for I keep showing Mood swings often frequent Than pendulum, mostly adamant Adamant about my decision Taken with no precision I often land up being a disaster For recovery is never faster! I do things that are stupid Thinking them to be highly cupid! Oh I am just too awesome For the source of nuisance I always create with confidence My little butterflies, create dense And profound effect on my Brain, it stops working before I try And it is always end of the game!
But I do respect my thoughts For they are ones who brought The very best out of me Into my soul I could see! …

A SERENE GIRL

some people you can never forget... even if you try to cut off,I bet you will fail... so do I... a failure, a proud failure indeed!!

This is a story
of  serene girl...
who brought glory
and eyes like a pearl!
she is angelic
but not with wings
half cupid, half relic
surprise she brings!
with a heart of gold
things untold.
worries would be sold
before they are told...
in her she carries
innocence of a newborn
she will tell you stories
pages of sorrows would be torn!
with her you know
you will be fine
you just watch the show
e-i-g-h-t and then n-i-n-e
till the time
you would count t-e-n...
you will hear the chime
and you are out of that den!
the den of the darkness
where you were locked
by the power of her kindness
you will be shocked!
you keep wondering
you keep admiring
as per the old saying
fairies keep sailing!
you will never know
when she came and left
it is the end of the show
all pain with her she swept!
i still ponder
i still think
that angel yonder...
and before i blink,
i see …

WITHOUT YOU...

sometimes some books evoke in you certain emotions that are impossible to forget! you just can't let it go... cherishing few memories of the book i recently read! that character is still on my mind and forever in my heart!! just connecting my present and the character! ALASKA in me!

That tender touch That beautiful smile Your simple talks All the while… Those fearful dreams Some nightmares Those funny moments.  I remember, you were scared Remember what you said? You asked for relief, You wanted peace… If I say in brief.., You wanted endless sleep! I know through your eyes Those hiccups while you talked Though not enough wise But I could make out What you desired For none as brave Who won’t be tired! Tired after so much   Of sufferings and pain, I just wanted you back I know it is a selfish gain! I always try avoiding Writing my feelings for you For then I miss the presence I know you or I knew? I doubt my existence I often try to hide Pretend to understand you For others to whom …

LIVING WITH A LIE

I have always lived with a lie... yes, i can say it with utmost confidence, that it works... you believe and it happens... This poem perhaps is a way through which i wanted to acknowledge, the power of attraction!!


I am fine now Things are easier I have a support Worries are less, I am living with a lie!
Things are better now Much easier I have a family I have just one worry, I am living with a lie!
Things are at its best I am set free Big happy family No worries at all I am living with a lie!!
I am strong I am mature I can handle myself What are worries? I am living with a lie!
In a state of ecstasy Mind at peace People pleased W-o-r-r-i-e-s??? I am living with a lie!
I’ll be happy now I’ll forever be sane A support I procured Happiness! I am living with a lie!

NOT YET

Recently watched GLADIATOR again! I am so fond of the movie... so comes this poem... I'll see you soon, not yet!!

I’ll exalt myself one day Not in rank Not in order Not for the society Not for you Not for them But for HIM I’ll see you soon… Not yet!!
I’ll get out of this labyrinth I’ll fix it up The relations The bonds shared These sufferings Would end Like, forever! I’ll see you soon… Not yet!!
I’ll be a Perfect daughter, sister Good friend Proud citizen Some principles Few sacrifices Pain, to be felt Yet will be dealt I’ll see you soon… Not yet!!
I’ll be the best of me The designer Social worker A novelist Some poetry New Yorker Good human I’ll see you soon… Not yet!!


MAYBE PERHAPS INDEED

This poem describes the situation of a person, a very close friend of mine! Indeed the best person I've ever known... In hope you'll get out like a conqueror! 
I am bit too lost, maybe In a labyrinth, perhaps One that’s largest indeed!!
I am quite struck, maybe In my distant star, perhaps One that’s brightest indeed!!
I am very moody, maybe Because of the hormones, perhaps But suffering is there indeed!!
I am just a little mature, maybe The elder ones are perhaps Immaturity is immense indeed!!
Star says “I am better”, maybe For she loves me, perhaps Love and care, her nature indeed!!
Mother is too tired, maybe Months of endless sleep, perhaps Not ready to wake up indeed!!
Papa is tired too, maybe Mamma’s deep slumber, perhaps No signs of revival indeed!!
I am still hopeful, maybe For losing them, impossible perhaps Faith is strong indeed!!
My Family still exists, maybe Just need some time, perhaps Hearts are still united, indeed!!
I will live my dreams, maybe That day will come, perhaps Will fight for it,…